“Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed”, Michael Pritchard
This week has been a bad one. The combination of torn buttocks muscles, reactivated/re-injured herniated disk, bursitis, trapped nerve , and fibromyalgia have depleted me. I cannot walk without tremendous pain. I had to go to my doctor ‘s office in a wheelchair, a humbling experience. I began to wonder if the pain would ever leave and more importantly, which of my above structural issues caused this unusual (for me) dis-ability. It seemed important to know…which one is the cause of this pain?
The most wonderful experience of the week so far was meeting the resident physician in my own doctor’s office (who is himself a very caring, thoughtful, knowledgeable physician). This resident in Family Medicine is both a chiropractor and a medical doctor. How fortunate for me. Given the knowledge that chiropractors would have in regard to my own muscle/bone issues, I was happily surprised that I had an expert in regard to the herniated disk, which worried me the most. I spent an hour in the office with both he and my family doctor, talking me through my fears. I left greatly relieved although I knew I had a long struggle ahead of me, particularly in regard to managing fears of danger that comes with pain. How lucky I am to live in such a great country with this wonderful health care system. How wonderful to find a combination of disciplines within the traditional medical perspective of physicians, particularly with my doctor-phobia.
“If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people”, Thich Nhat Hanh
Since I am convinced that fibromyalgia is the result of a hyper-aroused nervous system, I wish I knew for certain if it is caused by early inadequate parenting by our parents and/or difficult childhood experiences in highly sensitive persons, or if we are born with highly sensitive nervous systems. I have my hunches, built upon numerous interviews and talks with many people (mostly women) over many years. In particular, my view is built upon my own experiences. Therefore, I will go out on a limb and suggest that we are not born with an easily aroused nervous system, but rather it slowly develops over many years as a result of our early socialization . Yet, even saying such a thing brings up the issue of children with fibromyalgia. Maybe, just maybe, they were born with the pre-disposition to this condition. What a dilemma! More questions than answers once again. Maybe it can be both nature and nurture. Parent blaming has become something of a modern day occupation. That is certainly not my intent. Who among us had perfect parents or are ourselves perfect parents?