“Nothing vivifies, and nothing kills, like emotions”, Joseph Roux
It’s almost the end of December already and I missed writing a blog in November. Seems I was trying to recover from the many crises (or at least perceived crises) in my life. The physiotherapist (Nick) said my nervous system was “completely exhausted” and to rest. For the past few weeks things have finally quieted down and I am having Feldenkrais movement treatments/activities (I am somewhat certain that Tai Chi would be equally as effective, or any kind of movement) to help revitalize me somewhat. The fatigue is slowly dissipating and with it some of the pain from all the hyperactivity and intense stressful emotions in my life. I am back on my recumbent bike a couple of times a week for about 20 minutes a day now (again!).
As I write this I watch little light snow flakes outside; there’s a fire in the fireplace; I have just spent 20 minutes meditating and I am at peace with my heating pad on my shoulders and hot tea to comfort me. The winter skylight is incredible at dusk. Now that we have had Solstice the days will be getting longer. If only there were more days like this, but of course, crises happen…stuff happens. I can’t stop the world. I am though working on focused practices such as mild exercise and meditation which is what my emotional roller coaster craves and my brain ( that darn amygdala!) has a difficult time understanding. My brain wants to go that well worn path to emotional chaos instead of the new calming pathways I am trying to cultivate. The stresses that many of us experience during the festive season create in us emotions that can make us sick, or conversely could make us well.
“Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed”, Michael Pritchard
This week has been a bad one. The combination of torn buttocks muscles, reactivated/re-injured herniated disk, bursitis, trapped nerve , and fibromyalgia have depleted me. I cannot walk without tremendous pain. I had to go to my doctor ‘s office in a wheelchair, a humbling experience. I began to wonder if the pain would ever leave and more importantly, which of my above structural issues caused this unusual (for me) dis-ability. It seemed important to know…which one is the cause of this pain?
The most wonderful experience of the week so far was meeting the resident physician in my own doctor’s office (who is himself a very caring, thoughtful, knowledgeable physician). This resident in Family Medicine is both a chiropractor and a medical doctor. How fortunate for me. Given the knowledge that chiropractors would have in regard to my own muscle/bone issues, I was happily surprised that I had an expert in regard to the herniated disk, which worried me the most. I spent an hour in the office with both he and my family doctor, talking me through my fears. I left greatly relieved although I knew I had a long struggle ahead of me, particularly in regard to managing fears of danger that comes with pain. How lucky I am to live in such a great country with this wonderful health care system. How wonderful to find a combination of disciplines within the traditional medical perspective of physicians, particularly with my doctor-phobia.