“The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn”,
Gloria Steinem
Women are often prone to say that we are experts on multi-tasking whereas men are more linear and less circular in their thinking. This of course suggests then, if this is accurate, that it is more difficult for women to ‘be in the moment’ as it is for men who are presumed to be more focussed on the main task at hand. I wonder therefore if this could contribute to the higher incidence of fibromyalgia in women than in men? The more tasks we are responsible for, the less we are focussed on one specific moment in time. Rather we are intent on handling not only the many present responsibilities, but that of other tasks in the future and the perceived needs of others.
While I have been repeatedly writing about mindfulness meditation as a healthy way to be in the moment I have not given a direct quote from the contemporary expert Jon Kabat-Zinn who writes about mindfulness meditation as “the awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment by moment” (quoted in his article in Clinical Psychology:Social Science Practice, 2003: 10(2):144-560) . If we are so busy anticipating what else needs to be done in our own and the personal lives of others, our racing thoughts are rarely quelled; we tend to hold our breaths in anxiety-driven tasks that never seem to end. We lose sight of diaphragmatic breathing while our brains and nervous systems are reacting to stimuli which seem non-ending. Sitting still and being in the moment becomes impossible as we worry, plan and anticipate what else needs to be done while also focussing on our pain and suffering.
Lately I have undertaken a new hobby in order to remap my brain, become more innovative and creative while quieting my nervous system. I have begun hand sewing a ‘memory, scrap quilt’, made of many designs and colours of fabric (quite a few pieces have been given to me by friends and family so it has become something of a memory quilt). It is something I have never done before. I am not an artistic person so this is a new challenge for me. A friend spent several hours giving me instructions and I plunged in to the task. I don’t even have a sewing machine and while my neck and shoulders ache I find myself concentrating so intently on the pieces that I am (at least temporarily) unaware of my usual fibromyalgia pain and other things that I believe need to be done . I find myself more and more focussed on the quilt and piecing together bright and random fabric squares, instead of ruminating on the constant pain in various parts of my body.
Mary Lee Bendolph one of the Gee’s Bend Quilters writes about quilting :”It keeps your spirit up” and “keeps your mind well together”. I am sure this isn’t for everyone but maybe, just maybe, we women and other fibromyalgia sufferers have to discipline ouselves to cultivate time spent on a single object while paying attention to our breathing. Somehow we have to be able to ‘let go’ of many of our beliefs that we alone are responsible for everyone else and find ways of experiencing joy by living moment to moment. We can only help others after we have helped ourselves to become healthy. Maybe this multi-tasking is not something we should be so intent on, rather could it be partly responsible for our over stimulated nervous system? Is multi-tasking a friend or foe?
too true to be forgotten. responsible to many, children, mates, employers, and then ourselves. we do become lost in activity and sometimes require more self time and self encourgament that a mother or any woman would get. i try to live more in the moment, but aging, itself, is scary so the past and the future are forever there. sometimes a comfort and sometimes in fear.
Dear Abot : Thanks for your comments. Fear is our worst enemy isn’t it? Living IN the moment is not easy. It differs from living FOR the moment. Trying to remap our brains seems to be the best we have to offer so that the past does not lead us down those depressing and anxious paths while building new maps that will help us with living in the present. It is true that aging is not easy. I watch my 91 year old parents and their challenges and wonder about my own future. But it seems to me that living in the moment is a better alternative. Best wishes, Barbara
Elaine Scarry: The Body in Pain
“Though the capacity to experience physical pain is as primal a fact about the human being as is the capacity to hear, to touch, to desire to fear to hunger it differs from these events and from every other bodily and psychic event by not having an object in the external world. Hearing and touch are of objects outside the boundaries of the body, as desire is of x, fear is fear of y, hunger is hunger for z; but pain is not of or for anything-it is itself alone. This objectlessness, the complete absence of referential content, almost prevents it from being rendered in language but this is also what may give rise to imagining by encouraging the process that eventually brings forth the dense sea of artifacts and symbols that we make and move about in.”
Kudos on finding your unique creative act. I look forward to hearing more about ‘the sea of artifacts’ brought forth.
Thanks Nick. I do have Elaine Scarry’s book and have had for many years but never understood it much till now. It is small print and lengthy so tough to work through, but I got it out today and will begin again! These references you give me are sensational, but not easy, especially if brain fog sets in:-)