Oh my dear Dawn: Your life story is a very sad one indeed. I hope that you will read my book and continue to read these blogs and that life improves somewhat for you. Sincere best wishes, Barbara

Probably the best article I have read about fibromyalgia. My story echos that of Martha’s. I was an adopted only child whose mother was obsessive/compulsive. I had a wonderful father but when I was 14 he was diagnosed with Charco-Marie-Tooth disease, a progressive muscle wasting disease, and by the time he died in his 70s he was paralysed from the neck down.

Married at 19, my second son was born with many problems including a serious heart condition. When my son was 5 years old my husband had his first heart attack. On one occasion my husband and son were both in hospital, in different cities, and I would travel each day to visit both of them My son was 11 years old when he died during heart surgery. My husband went on to have 3 further heart attacks before the last one killed him.

During the whole of this time I was juggling caring for everyone. My husband was unable to work full time and so I also found a part-time job. I don’t remember feeling any resentment, I just got on with things the best I could.

At the age of 36, I remarried. A wonderful guy and life was great. What neither of us knew was that my husband was bipolar, something we discovered after a serious breakdown. Since then he has been hospitalised on 3 occasions and is now only able to work part-time. Although fairly stable with the use of Lithium, many other medications he has been persuaded to try have had serious side effects. What interests me is that I didn’t have any symptoms of fibromyalgia until after his first breakdown.

I have bought and read The Divided Mind by Dr. Sarno. Interesting read but I am sceptical. I don’t know why, because what he writes does make some sense. Two things make me think that Dr. Sarno is on the right track. Firstly, now that I have reached the age of 65, I do find that I resent the past, even the present and worry about the future. Secondly, the first thing I focus on when I get up in the morning is the pain. If I can manage not to focus on the pain (almost impossible) I find that I do have a better day.

Thanks so much for your comments. This kind of issue keeps on repeating itself. I guess I would now suggest we change the term to a ‘personality type’ rather than psychosomatic as the latter implies so much negativity! It will be difficult to prove or disprove, that’s the problem! Very good of you to write on behalf of your mother. Maybe my book would help her put things in perspective? Kind regards, Barbara

Hi
Pleased to read this. My Mam suffers from fibromyalgia and I was upset to hear that her rheumatologist told her it would never go away. My frist thought was: if you don’t know what causes it, how can you possibly know it won’t go away?

The other thing that has annoyed me is the insistence that the disease is not psychosomatic without, as far as I can see, any evidence to prove this. I suffer from psychosomatic problems all the time and I know they’re horrible. It doesn’t mean they’re imagined.

The other meaning of psychosomatic, by the way, is that the physical symptoms of emotional distress (tense muscles, faster heart beat, higher levels of certain hormones, digestive changes and changes to the metabolism etc) eventually cause damage to the body. Lots of things can happen due to our minds and the way our bodies react to perceived danger (through the fight or flight respoinse). For instance, alopecia (total hair loss) is often psychosomatic.

Thanks for writing about this. I get annoyed when people dismiss any suggestion it could be psychosomatic, particularly when my mother suffered depression and anxiety for decades before this came on. Surely telling her she can never feel well again is just condemning her to a life of pain!

Oh Martha! Your life has not been easy but you are indeed a survivor! Many of us think we have been born into an asylum (your words) but don’t come up on top like you have. You didn’t mention if you have fibromyalgia, but I presume you did/do.
This is such a positive outcome, I hope many readers will find joy in it as I did. You have literally ‘changed your brain’.
Kind regards, Barbara

This was fascinating reading. Here’s my story and I think it gives credence to your theory. I grew up in a traumatized family; my dad had MS, my mom was bipolar and an alcoholic as was my younger brother. I often wondered how I, a fairly simple normal person got born into that asylum. I am very empathetic. At an early age I was “given” my little brother. My mom simply meant to fend off any incipient sibling rivalry, but I took her at her word and believed that he was my responsibility. We were very very close growing up (in that mad family, naturally) and as adults I always felt responsible for him.

He grew into an incorrigible, hardcore alcoholic who lived on and off the streets during most of his life despite being incredibly talented as an artist and cartoonist. Until 2004 (I was 52) I took care of him, sometimes working three jobs to pay for rehab or rent for him. In 2004 I realized it was hopeless, he didn’t know where I lived or anything about me. I told him not to call me again unless he was really sober. He didn’t.

I then began having intense pain in my hip which was diagnosed as early onset osteoarthritis. I had surgery in 2007. My brother had also had his hips replaced. After that I should have been fine, but I wasn’t. I had periods of greater and lesser mobility and I chalked that up (the pain and limited ability to walk, limited range of motion) to arthritis in other joints from years of running. I went on like that until just two weeks ago when I learned my brother had died. Once I learned how he died and what happened with his remains, and was able to do some positive things on behalf of his memory, I was very suddenly able to walk without problems, even going down stairs which had been excruciating.

Now I think I have carried my brother around inside me. The pain I felt in my feet, the difficulty walking, the weakness in my knees and the limited range of motion in my hips were all symptoms my brother experienced as a result of drinking and his hip surgeries.

Thanks for writing this!

Martha

Dear Murieal: Thank you for your comments. So… try not to dwell on the past, even by writing about it so much as it only reactivates the nervous system!
Take care!
Barbara

Wow, you hit it ont he nose. Thank you because you absolutely describing me, the pain in my heart affects my mind, and my body. i truly agree and understand. Whats so crazy is every time I go through something that opens up old wounds, and it seems I go through it with a new person, almost the same problems from the last, with added unecessaries to boot, and I know some of it is because I keep attracting the same type of troublein my life, at that heated or sensitive moment, my pained areas either begin or worsen like a migraine throbs more the more you stress it. I have had to fight the same battles for 10 years now, with added, and I know you are right about all you believe and say because I isolated myself for the past four years, even when i am around others I am the one who observes, thinks, reacts diffrently and I have been told that I broaden others to new understandings and ways of seeing things. I am always putting other before and I do feel like I deserve to be treated the same, but no replies. I am overly-sensitive to pain situations and I am happpy to find out, thanks by the way, that my way of dealing with past trauma is to write about it. I write about the negative past, the transitioning present, in which I am now being forced to make change because of the knowledge I ve gained about self, and the future, well I believe in one, as i ave hardened a little to ones that depended on my servants nature, crippling from finding their own ways. Wheeeewww, I had to get that off my heart because i feel alot better knowing that who I am does not have to be appreciated by other for me to know that my nature is a not only different from most in my surroundings, I am the bright, deep, sensitive, inteleectual I wanted to believe i was and not losing it. Advice will be taken

GOD BLESS