Being born in Belgium in 1938,and having to flee the Holocaust a year later began my problem I believe.
First to feel the guilt later on in life that I had survived while many of my close family members did not.
After overhearing the conversation between my mother and her sister one night while they thought I was asleep
I heard things I not only never forgot but I thought of them everyday of my life. This was around the age I was
10 years old. My aunt had survived but died shortly after. She had been imprisoned in one of the worst of all
concentration camps.
My father was smart and lucky enough to escape before we were captured and we fled to Cuba where we lived
the entire time of the war. By a weird turn of life he died of a heart attack at the very early age of 42. I was 5
years old. My mother never felt it necessary to explain anything to me and I was shuffled to some friends house
while the funeral arrangements etc. were made. This was the first scare I remember.
After that we returned to Belgium as it was the common thing to do and get the right documents to migrate to
the USA. There I was exposed to many scares as I was shuffled to a Catholic boarding school where I was looked upon as a freak by the other children. I am positive this was the cause for my low self esteem which I
still suffer from. As we know children can be very cruel especially when the grown ups in charge are in total
agreement with their cruelty. I will never forget a jewish orphan this home had acquired who would be taken to the basement alost regularly and beaten with a belt for no other reason than laughing with me. This was the oy reason I could see. And the screams haunt me until today.

Finally and not a day too soon I was removed and taken back to where we resided and until we left for the USA.
In New York where was to be our new home I was enrolled in a public school in a rough neighborhood but by
this time this was nothing scary for me. And the people seemed to treat me so well compared to what I was used to. This is when I started to get sick very often with no particular sickness. The doctors always said to
my mother that I shold stay home for couple of days. I never slept. I still don’t. I would get a feeling of weakness and felt feverish with little real fever. I would regularly get very painful earaches. Pains and ailments
came and went and by the time I was a teenager I was a nervous wreck. I began to act out in self destructive
ways and doctor after doctor never had aconvincing diagnosis. Being self aware and interested in my health
I took up Yoga and became a vegetarian. Even then the pains came and went and sleep was always a problem.
I tried many drugs to chase away the demon but nothing would help except to give me temporary relief.

I tried counselling because I tried in a very childish way to take my life. Then I joined a religion which dealt
with health issues (Christian Science) but this one was too incompatible with my beliefs. I am not a religious
person and can never be in the organized way. I believe in helping others and I’ve always been involved
in helping others. My friends and I have many call me their saviour or their psychiatrist. I seem to be able to help others. I tried unconventional cures such as accupuncture, accupressure, herbal doctors but the same result.
Nothing. When my mother was dying at the age of 93 and she lived with me here in Jamaica I was very stressed
out and a friend recommended me to a doctor from Burma. I called him and he came to my home where my Mom was. He took care of her and when we talked there was an instant connection. He prescribed me some
tranquilizers and asked me to visit his office when things calmed down with the responsibilities of my mother passing on etc.

I did and thats when I was diagnosed with the Fibro. I had never even heard of it and it was such a relief to
finally know I was not out of my mind. Then I started to read and study ally ailments and was put on a cocktail
of medicines which have saved my life. I have regular visits with this wondeful doctor but as of yet as you well know it still is a mystery and an invisible disease. Much of my family think its all in my head because they nevr take the time to read on it. But I cannot expect more from them as they are old. My brother is 80 and my sister is 82. I am a young 69, going on 70 next week. I did write to you last week that a new tender point has come to me in the form of toothaches. Thats how I found you and I am so grateful.

I have been a dog breeder here in Jamaica and have wanted to write a book either on dogs or my memoirs.
But the CFS and my depression holds me back. And also the fact that I dont think there is any interest in my
story. I live alone and very secluded with my large sweet dogs. They are the only natural medicine which at times helps relieve my pains. You have a fan here in Jamaica. Love, P.P.